She

It’s the time when I was preparing for CAT second time. This time even more seriously than the previous one.

I used to wake up by 6, reach office by 7, after one hr gym and having breakfast, I used to sit in our Library for 1 hr to read Business magazines and books.

I used to take a corner bench so that no one would disturb me. I used to be the first person to enter the library (obviously after the librarian) to take my favorite seat.

One day I saw her sitting on my place. Immersed in a big book covered with a news paper binding. I sat on the same bench next to her.

As a usual habit I just had a look at her and started reading my book. After some time she went out (probably for water). Then due to the inherent curiosity I started reading from her book to know what she was reading. To my huge surprise it was a book on public administration. Never expected one in Infosys. Months and years rolled back.

When the results of SSC board exams were out and I was 17^th in Merit list, news reporters asked me, what I wanted to be. IAS officer happened to be one of my answers. (Journalist, Engineer, Actor being the other ones). In my final year of engineering I joined one academy for preparation of UPSC exam. Later on I realized, how it is impossible to crack the exam in first attempt, how I can not prepare while working in a software company, how my career is on stake if I refused to join the company for the preparation, how the people are preparing days and nights for years considering this is an exam of preparation and not just the talent and how an IAS officer is just an implementer and not a policy maker. What I actually wanted to do in my life?

I wanted to do something different, different from others. Something creative, innovative. Where I had a right to change the direction, to give the shape.

Where I need not depend on somebody else for approvals, a kingdom however small it is, I wanted to be the king of it. I did not want to travel on trodden paths. I wanted to create my own path from nothing, which others would follow. I wanted to make my own mark, my own brand name. What should be my career options then?

IAS was certainly not the one I was searching for. I left the preparation. I did not even fill up the form.

Now I am sitting in a software company, as an employee, dreaming to leave the organization.

Here I can see a girl, being a part of the hectic life of a software engineer, devouring the dream I left for good.

Did I do wrong abandoning my dream? Did I took the risk factor too seriously? Should I have been preparing for the exam? Could I have been an IAS officer till date if I did not have left preparing?

As I know my mind very well, these were the short term questions which faded away after 5 minutes. I don’t ponder on past too much.

She came back. Me:

“Are you preparing for UPSE?”

“Yes”

“That’s really great. We can hardly find anyone in software industry aspiring to become an IAS officer”

(She just smiled)

“Actually I was also preparing for the same in my college days. Later on I left.”

“Oh.. so did you join any coaching institute?”

“Ya, chanakya mandal”

“Ya I heard about it. Actually I am not from this place. So I don’t know much about this city. Can you give me the contact details of it?”

“Sure. But don’t have it right now. I will send it to you through email.”

Then she gave me her email address. I found the detail on Google and sent it to her.

I don’t know why but I felt inspired after this event.

There are people who just vegetate but there are some who stick to their aims and keep the guts to follow them.

June 3, 2008

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